Just sitting here with a hot cup of cocoa, thinking about things.
Still listening to Christmas music. I just love it, could listen to it year-round. Right now it’s James Taylor’s album, “On Christmas”. So warm and so soothing. When I was little Mom would play “Fire and Rain” for me as I was falling asleep. His voice will always remind me of when everything was so easy and laid out in front of me. A time when I didn’t have much to worry about at all. Things aren’t like that anymore.
I like to put cinnamon in the bottom of the mug so that when you pour the cocoa it all mixes together and smells delicious. Then I put not only marshmallows on top, but whipped cream too. Sometimes I’ll maybe top it off with a sprig of mint to make it look pretty.
Christmas is the best time of year. It may be cold and snowy outside but there’s always a fire burning and plenty of love in our homes. There’s always warm conversation and cuddling under blankets and laughs and stories and memories. There’s always all those things! But things aren’t the same this year.
This is our first Christmas in the light. It can only get better from here, right?
Once the mug is half empty, I always add more marshmallows. Can never get enough marshmallows. They get all melty and gooey and they mix in with the chocolate to create such hot tasty goodness. Warms your whole body going down.
Coming home from the shelter and seeing Barb… like that. Sitting in the dark eating plum pudding straight from the can. That stuff can really get a hold of you, and I don’t mean the pudding. She’s wavering but I know that deep down she just wants to do what’s right for our family. If I could just pull her aside and talk about what that stuff did to my mother, how it led her careening right into a ditch. If only Barb would talk to me. I’ve always found solace in her, especially when I was sealed into this new life with her and the others. And now this silent treatment is killing me. Well, maybe she’s not the only one wavering.
Every family has its down year, right? The year when Christmas just doesn’t measure up to others? When you yearn to feel something from last year or the year before or the year before that? Feelings that have come and gone? Right?
The kids are watching “The Christmas Toy” in the other room. Ever seen it? Cute movie. It’s about a group of toys that were given as gifts in years past, and each year at Christmas there’s a brand new toy that comes along and becomes the favorite. One of the older toys, Rugby the Tiger, can’t stand the idea of not being the favorite anymore so he tries to re-gift himself to no avail. The evil new toy Meteora Queen of the Asteroids becomes the new favorite, but the toys soon realize that they’re still loved all the same. It’s fun and it’s stupid, but at least the message is clear.
Okay I’m gonna take my tasty cocoa and join them. Bed early tonight. I need it.