Last week I opened the door and invited you all to ask about my life, my choices, and any other questions you want answered. And, my, have I gotten a TON of responses! Above all, I want to just thank you all for your overwhelming support. It feels really, really good to have you guys to fall back on. Okay, I’m going to try my best to answer as much as possible.
I’ll start with a fun question. What is your favorite song/band? A lot of my music library was built off of my mother’s. She had a lot of great classics like Janis Joplin, Fleetwood Mac, Bob Dylan, The Band, and then some 80s stuff like Human League, Depeche Mode, Duran Duran, etc. Then there’s my favorites from when I was growing up: Heart, The Cranberries, Jewel, and let’s not forget the great Pat Benatar. You asked about “THE” song? The one song that gets me going and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside? “We Belong” by Pat Benatar. Hands down. Love it!
Isn’t there anyone in Utah that supports you all in public? Short answer: no. Longer answer: yes, maybe, I don’t know, eventually. I know there’s people like our neighbors Pam and Carl that will stick by us through thick and thin. They’re always so nice and supportive. People are scared to support us publicly, especially up on the Hill where Bill works now. He is really on his own up there. I think once people see that we all love one another and operate just like any other “normal” family we will begin to see a little more support. Our dinner with that Midge lady and her crazy anti-porn mother was a step in the right direction. There’s a chance she could be Bill’s first ally on the hill.
What are you going to do about Ana and Goran? Ana is carrying Bill’s child. He loves her and he loves that little boy with all his heart. Goran is going to help raise that child, so Bill definitely has plenty of love and respect towards him for that. We all do love each other, and it’s very complicated, but they have to leave the country. I’ve come to accept that it is only right. Ana wanted me to leave my family behind and come with them, but I could never do such a thing. I cried as Bill blessed their child not only because Ana and Goran were leaving… no, it wasn’t just that. Seeing Bill bless that baby? Seeing him put all the love he has into something he created and now must send away? I could see how much it truly hurt him deep inside. Later on that night I peered in on him bathing little baby Nell, singing to her. Moments like these remind me why I was drawn to him in the first place.
Do you still have feelings for Goran? No. Is Goran a sexy Serbian man who gave me comfort when my family was going off the tracks? Yes. But nothing ever happened between us and nothing ever will.
Do you and Bill still have your nights together? Yes, we do, and they are wonderful!
Do you feel resentment towards Bill for causing you to lose your career? I don’t. Hearts On A Sleeve was a great experience. For a while there I was making a good deal of money, and I guess you could’ve called me quite the independent woman. From VSN I learned the ins and outs of the business world and, above all, how to market myself. I now have the tools to begin something new, maybe even start up my own business, and this GojiBlast stuff seems to be a solid stepping stone to help regain my footing.
Do you forgive Beverly? Girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. Yes, I forgive her, and I respect her for making the decision. Doesn’t mean I’m not mad about it. In the grand scheme of things, I did something wrong. I lied. Life goes on.
If you could take the family in a different direction, what would it be? I believe that we are moving in the right direction. When I came into this family, when I left the trailer park, I had nothing. Didn’t have much faith either. I’ve grown a lot since then, and my faith in the Principle has gotten much stronger. Bill has already made more progress than anyone since our lifestyle was banned, and I’m proud to stand beside him. If I could take the fam in a different direction for, say, one month? Big family trip to Europe! Climb the Eiffel tower, see the Berlin Wall, sunbathe on the coast of the Mediterranean… that would be amazing.
Why don’t you just leave Bill? Bill has given me everything! He’s given me a loving family. He’s given me two wives and their undying support. He’s given me all the love in the world and he continues to give and give day in and day out. When I came into this family it was LOVE that kept me here. I had never experienced love like the way Bill and Barb and Nicki and all the kids love me, not even from my mother. This family is bursting and boiling over with love! And yes, we have our problems, our jealousies, and our own little secrets, and we may want to strangle each other at times, but we’re a family. That’s how families work. All our differences stem from our intense love and desperation to keep the family moving forward in one piece.
Somebody wrote that my faith in God should give me the strength to leave Bill, but I couldn’t disagree more. My faith in God gives me the strength to STAY. To work through the problems that would normally tear us apart; those instances only make us stronger. Faith gives me the strength to accept the fact that Ana and Goran – two of my truest friends – need to leave the country not only for our sake, but for theirs, and the baby’s too. Faith gives me the strength to take Bill’s and Barb’s and Nicki’s hands on the steps of the capitol and declare our true selves to the world. Faith pulls families together; it doesn’t tear them apart. It will not tear us apart. Gosh, thanks for asking that question. It was very enlightening to think that through!
Well I hope these answers are informative for you guys. It’s always very helpful for ME talking about this stuff. I’m slowly but surely getting a grip on our situation, and the more I think about it, the more I talk about it, the more I realize that I’m in the right place.
Talk to you again soon.